Respect: No More Husband Bashing

Over on Jill Savage's blog its Third Thursday Blog Hop where women can share their thoughts. Today's topic is about respect.

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A few years ago I made the decision to stop husband bashing. It's not like I went out of my way to bash him, but when others around me were doing it, I would join in. This is so wrong and doesn't help our marriage nor does it help him become a better man. 

This doesn't mean I never talk about him, but I take time to think through whether it is a bashing session where the wives are trying to come up with who has the worst husband or are we talking about our struggles in marriage. It's ok to talk about what we might be struggling with, it is not ok to blame it all on your husband.

When I would "bash" him in front of others, I was not showing the respect he deserves. It makes him feel bad and often times makes him not want to help me out. If I am making fun of his skills when doing dishes, why would he want to help out. If I am telling others he is like a forth child and treat him as such, I am not also not showing him the respect he deserves. His behavior can be directly related to how I treat him. None of this bashing or put downs will help our marriage. 

Now when I do talk about him, its about our struggles of trying to work together as husband and wife, father and mother. He's a good man, good father, and good husband and I need to treat him as such. Yes I wish he'd help out around the house more, but I've come to understand him and why he struggles with it. When I was able to step back and stop trying to come up with the best "worst" husband stories, I realized that he struggles as much as I do in our marriage and how we work together. Now we work together much better. I understand him better. We communicate better. 

God calls a wife to respect our husband. When we show the appropriate respect to our husbands at all times, we become the woman who is strong and supportive. Without us, husbands wouldn't be able to be the men of God they are called to be for their families. We complement them in a way God intended.

Life is Made of Valleys

 

I have to admit that there are some days that social media is a curse, but if you are looking in the right places it can also be a blessing. Once again I am participating in an on-line Bible study. It is a blessing to get to know other women who are so like you and going through the same struggles. 

The current study is by Derwin L. Gray called Limitless Life. This is my third study and am very excited for what this might bring. 

One thing I've learned over the past few years is that life is full of valleys. In order for us to really grow in our relationship with God and others you can't just stay on the plains. Even when you do, a valley comes out of no where. 

Some of the most challenging months of my life were three years ago. In one day my life turned upside down. I found out I was pregnant and within a few hours we found out we lost the house we had already started moving in to. On top of that our 5 month old was still recovering from whooping cough and could only sleep for about 45 minutes before being woken from a coughing fit. I was tired, losing weight, and felt totally out of control of my entire life.

I can tell you I've never prayed like I did those few months. It was really the first time I felt like things were so out of control that I had no choice but to give it to God. I remember vividly watching my sleeping daughter and praying that God would be with her and heal her. Feeling that out of control put me in a place I've never been before and had I not went through that experience, I would never had known what peace feels like when you no longer need to control everything. 

The label MOM has been mine for the past 5 years. There are times I feel that's all I am, but I feel like I can now embrace that label and be the mom God wants me to be. My kids have given me purpose. I'm here as their mom to guide them. I know now how precious time with them is. My label is one of the best I could have after Daughter of the King. God's given me a label to be proud of.

My valley taught me so much. My relationship with God and my family are the most important things and the only things that will last.

Your valley will bring to closer to God if you let it. It can also bury you. God is there and just waiting for you to ask for help and what's more, He is already there with you even before you ask. He will never leave you nor forsake you. 

Your life will have valleys. Some will make you feel trapped and others will give you hope. You are meant to be there for a time. You are meant to grow as a child of The Most High God. 

When you come out of the valley, look back on your journey. See where you struggled and where you let God work. Look carefully where He carried you and guided you. He was with you the whole time.

What is Benificial?

So what is beneficial? That is the question I've been asking myself this week. It is a very hard question to ask because we live in the present and for the now. We seek pleasure to satisfy the desire we seek. We live in a world where instant gratification is the norm. 

When we step back and ask ourselves "Is this beneficial?", our lives begin to take a turn from instant gratification to that of carefully thought out choices. 

I had an opportunity this week where I believe God was really trying to speak to me. After playing with my 3 and 5 year old in our freshly fallen and drifted snow, they asked for hot chocolate. It is our tradition after playing in the snow. I really wanted to join them, but the question popped up, "Is this beneficial?" and here is the conversation I had with God:

Grrrrrr. Really God it's one cup of hot chocolate. I'm spending time with them. Isn't that beneficial? It's not like I do this all the time. It's only one time and it's fun to sit with the girls and drink hot chocolate with them. I know they will enjoy it.

Yes the reasoning with God had started over a cup of hot chocolate. It still seems so stupid, I mean come on I'd rather argue over a big piece of chocolate cake than a cup of hot chocolate any day. After making their hot chocolate, I put on my tea kettle so I could have some tea instead. I came to the wisdom of God that yes time with my girls is beneficial, but there are other ways that I can do that AND set a good example to my kids. 

My diet hasn't changed too much since I started this study. My focus has been on my portion sizes and snacks. I have been waiting until I'm hungry to eat and I mean often hearing my stomach actually growl. Having an extra helping at supper is not beneficial but a snack of apples and peanut butter is.

When I look at what is beneficial in my life it is this: showing my daughters how to take care of themselves and others. To love them and show them how to love others. All my actions have to show this in my life on a daily basis.

So as you go through your day and are faced with choices, ask yourself is this beneficial? Everyone is going to have a different answer and there won't always be a right one. But asking the question and waiting for guidance, will help you chose the right decision and you will feel good about your choices.

In My Weakness . . .

Have you ever felt like God was trying to tell you something? Not just trying to tell you something but really try to get His idea into your head. Every where you turn His message is there. It's like He's jumping up and down waving trying to get your attention and then picks up a giant snowball and knocks you over with it. That's what it has felt like since I started this study. 

Three weeks ago I was reading 2 Corinthians 2:19 and I was very moved by this verse. For everyone participating in the Bible Study over on Proverbs 31 Ministries, this verse should be familiar.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

 That week was about determination. It may seem odd that I would link the two together but hear me out. My weakness is exercise. I give up easily because I struggle with pulmonary issues. It was and continues to be a weakness. BUT, because God tells us that "[His] power is made perfect in weakness", I know that He will carry me through. 

I have seen God work through my weakness before in different times in my life. When my middle child was 3 months old, she contracted Whopping Cough. It was one of the hardest times I've ever gone through and I can tell you there is nothing worse then being able to do nothing for your child except be there (click here read the story). It was in that moment that God was able to show His strength and power to me. I was on my knees a lot for about a month. 

The idea of weakness has forever changed me. If you think back to Jesus ministry, those who followed and listened were those deemed weak by society. Those that were deemed strong and powerful were the ones who schemed to have Him killed.  Jesus blessed the weak and condemned the strong. Why is this?

When we are forced to rely on God because we have no where else to turn, then and only then can God really work in our hearts. We can only make room in our hearts for God when we remove other things that are taking up space. For many of us it's food. Some it might be TV, cleanliness, money, or other material items but it is a job I know our Heavenly Father will willingly do for us. Getting down on our knees and asking God to take this burden from us because we can't do it on our own, will give God the opportunity to open our life up to so many amazing miracles. If we are weak, He can make us strong. His grace is sufficient to meet all our needs whether its a financial burden, relationship troubles, or an addiction of any sort including food. He will be there and He will use His power.

So what exactly has God taught me, it's ok to be weak. I don't need to wear a mask for anyone, especially God. He knows my weakness. He's just waiting for me to admit it. He wants to help. He's just waiting for me to ask. He knows what to do. He's just waiting for me to be ready. He is with me. He's just waiting for me to turn around and realize it.

The Blessings of Obedience

If you haven't noticed I've been involved in the Blog Hop over at Proverbs 31 Ministries for their current online Bible studies. This is my first Online Bible Study with Proverbs 31 Ministries and the book they have chosen is called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. 

This week the topic I chose to blog about is obedience to God. This is something I have learned over the past year. My husband and I started our journey of budgeting last December and when we were obedient to Him with what he gave us, we were blessed beyond anything we every thought possible. Last year we also decided to start homeschooling. We have preschoolers now but our oldest just turned 5 and we have already started kindergarten lessons with her. It is an amazing blessing for us to see her learn and have that excitement to learn. 

This brings me to where I am today. I do struggle with food. Sometimes because I overeat and sometimes because I don't eat at all. When I do it's not healthy and providing my body with what I need. Neither is good for me. The reasons usually are unhealthy too. Stress and depression are the most common reasons for my bad eating habits.

Food seems ridiculous to worry about unless you are severely overweight, but what I have learned over the past few months is this is wrong. Food isn't about food but whether you can look at something and ask yourself, "do I need this? Is this good for me? What does God think? Am I honoring Him with my choices?" Just because something is available and everyone else is eating it, doesn't mean you should too. Can you practice self control when there is a piece of chocolate cake calling your name? 

How much difference is there between us and someone addicted to alcohol or drugs. Is food used to sustain you or to give you a small thrill? When you choose food are you doing it because it comforts you or because you are sustaining your growling tummy. 

On Tuesday I participated in my first fast. Our church does this once a month and ends with a prayer meeting. I wasn't able to attend the prayer meeting but I was praying a lot that day. It was a way for me to take my focus off food on put it on my Savior. I can say this was really hard and I was ready to throw in the towel at lunch time. I had no energy all day, fell asleep on the couch, my stomach was growling constantly and there were times when I just felt awful. Those low points sent me to my knees asking God to help me make it through the day. I'm pretty sure I was also asking Him to somehow speed up time.

I can honestly say that I felt a huge struggle to be obedient to him but when my fast was broken at supper time, I enjoyed a huge fulfillment and didn't feel guilty at all about my supper. I enjoyed being with my girls and felt extremely proud of myself and I'm sure God was too. I learned one important thing, it is OK to let your stomach growl. You will NOT die.

One thing I know is this, God calls us to be obedient. God also promises to bless us. What that means we may not know.

We've seen in the Old Testament story of Job that God will bless us when we are obedient. God gave Job many things. Then everything Job loved and cherished was taken away. He could have given in to Satan and disobeyed, but he stayed firm in God's love and was obedient to Him. God blessed him with even more then what he had lost. 

We will go through times when it's easy to obey and times where it seems impossible. In the end God will bless us and more then that, He will be there if we ask Him. It was never His intention to do things alone. Ask Him to join you in your journey, keep seeking His face and being obedient to Him and you will be blessed beyond what you can imagine in all aspects of life.

Determination to Win!

In high school I was a cheerleader. One of our chants was, "Determination, Determination, Determination to win!" I don't think I ever really understood what the word determination truly was until now.

Back in November I started making a few life choices for me regarding what I drink. I cut out pop except an occasional one when are at Wendy's or Arby's (which is usually shared with my husband). I started drinking one cup of coffee a day and started drinking between 58-64 oz of water a day.

In December I decided that I really wanted a tread mill. I hate walking with my girls. It is a complete nightmare usually ending with me as sore as possible, since I'm pulling three girls in the wagon, and at least one in tears. January all fitness equipment goes on sale. My husband agreed to let me buy one.

It has been almost 4 weeks since I got it. I don't run every day but my goal is 5 miles a week. Now I am not a runner. Even when I was at my fittest in high school, I got winded going up stairs. I have bad allergies, my lung capacity is smaller than normal, and I have a family history of asthma. For me to run a mile a day is a huge accomplishment.

On Tuesday afternoon I started getting myself ready to run. Shoes on, water bottle filled, Pandora on my phone, girls watching a movie, ear buds in, distance goal set. I knew I wanted to run a mile, what I was hoping was to do it in 11 1/2 minutes. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I had been taking a little time off here and there. I have been recording my time here and there. 11 days ago my time was:

A few days later my time was:

I am proud of myself. I have been pushing myself a little harder each time and hoping to keep getting it down.

Well Tuesday was different for some reason. The only thing I can think of is DETERMINATION. It wasn't just my determination but His. He wanted to see me be pushed and determined and strong. 

I started the nice little jog at 5 miles and hour and say some prayers that I'll make it and listen to some uplifting music (usually some Third Day). At .2 miles in, I kicked it up to 6. I thought I would just do this for a bit, but something or rather Someone kept pushing me and saying, "You can do it!". At every tenth of a mile I would switch between 5 and 6. I could catch my breath and then go hard again. At .8 miles I kicked it up to 6. I pushed so hard that last little bit. I had never run the whole mile before and here I was pushing hard to finish strong. As the machine came to a stop at the end of my mile, I took a look at the summary screen and this is what I saw:

I was shocked and tears just started rolling down my face. That time is better than anything I ever did in high school. It may not be track star time, but to me it felt like a winning number. I have never been more determined to take care of myself as I am now. I did something I thought would take me another couple weeks, but probably longer. I never thought I could run an entire mile without walking a bit to catch my breath, but I did.

This morning I was reading in 2 Corinthians and one passage really touched my heart.

But He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in his weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest in me. 2 Corinthians 12: 9

Reflecting on my treadmill and my running I realized one thing, God has used this weakness of mine to glorify Him. He set a fire, a determination, like I had never experienced in me. I was able to accomplish so much because I allowed Him to use the weakness to make me stronger. God wants us to be weak, not strong. He wants us to need Him, depend on Him. Only then will we allow God to instill a determination in us to overcome our weaknesses.

What Do You Crave More Then God?

Food has been a problem for me. Maybe not in the same way as others, but it is still an issue. I either embrace it or fear it. I saw my mom struggle with food my entire life and I know she has struggled much longer than that. This is where my fear comes in. I can't count calories or I won't eat for fear that I will eat too much. I do however need to watch portions and snacks or I eat way more than I need to without even considering what is entering my body.

In the past year I have learned a lot about God and how my relationship is with him. Money is the first area my husband and I had to work on. We really needed to be more obedient with what he had given us. He trusts us to be responsible with what we were given. It has been a wonderful journey and I now see how obedience needs to be in all areas of my life. 

God gives us so much and we are not being responsible. For me time management is just as much of a struggle, maybe even more then food. I can get lost on the computer for hours very easily or sit down with a book and realize I read much longer then I intended. I have a tendency to think that things can wait until tomorrow and I have time to read one more chapter. 

I have made a household binder to help keep me organized. Some days it works and other days it doesn't. What it really comes down to is am I obeying God with my time or not. My choices affect my kids and my husband, not just me. It's more fun to sit and read my new book then to clean the bathrooms or wash the dishes. The problem is that I am using my time selfishly instead of glorifying God.

When I am at my worst is when my husband, who is a seasonal employee, goes back to work. It's a major change in our family. I go from having help around the house to being the sole caregiver of three little girls five days a week from the time they get up to when they go to bed. Then the weekends are spent with him trying to make up time with us, fix things around the house, or tend to other things that need to be taken care of.

I usually spend about a month dealing with depression. Now I have come to the realization that if I can pray through my food cravings why can't I pray through other cravings as well. Depression can also be considered a craving for me. It is easier to retreat into myself then deal with the issues around me or pray through them. He promises never to leave us, He will guide us through all the valleys.

My prayer life needs to take front and center if I am going to over come these cravings that hold me back from being the daughter of the King He aspires me to be. I have the desire, now I just need to allow God to hold my hand and walk with me through all the valleys.

We Will Do It!

Sometimes it's hard to dream because it seems impossible to ever achieve them. My husband and I have had a dream since we got married: to live in the country. 

My husband lived his first 18 years on a farm. His dad lived his whole life on the farm and his dad before that. Farming is in my husbands blood. Since we've been married we've lived in a small apartment in West St. Paul and two different houses in a small town. Right now we know this is where we need to be but it is hard for him to be in town with limited space. He misses the space and freedom a farm has. 

I spent a few years of my childhood on a little acre of land outside a small town and I have never felt as much freedom as I did during those years. I want that for my kids.

The truth is that land around here is very expensive because it's all farm land. Getting 5 acres of land will cost as much as our house does now. It's been hard for both of us to put off that dream. 

Last year we started budgeting. Before budgeting we didn't always keep up with the student loan payments and rarely paid extra. Now we are a few months from paying off all extra debt and will start paying extra on our rental houses. Our first rental will be paid off in a little over 4 years. In about 15 years will should have two rentals and our house completely paid off. We can finally see God opening doors for us. We may not live in the country when we want to but we know that we will when God is ready for us.

Over the past year I learned a few important things:

1. Prayer: Our dreams mean nothing if God is not on board. My husband and I need to be spending more time praying over where God wants us to be. If he truly has plans for us to live in the country, then he will open the doors for us. Our hearts need to be ready in case God has other amazing plans for our life.
2. Set Goals: I have started setting weekly goals for myself. This year I also set yearly goals for myself and my family. We have clear plans to accomplish what we need to achieve our dreams by taking baby steps to get there.
3. Be obedient: We were not be obedient with our money. Once we were, we were blessed in more ways then we ever thought possible. It felt like we had extra money being thrown at us in every direction. There were moments of temptation but after resisting, we were blessed again. If God can bless us financially when we obey, how will he bless us when we obey in all parts of our lives?

One thing I can say about right now, is that God has blessed me more then I could have ever imagined. We have a nice house, decent vehicles, money for necessities, and God watching over us. This may not be the orginal dream my husband and I had, but it is a good one.