We Will Do It!

Sometimes it's hard to dream because it seems impossible to ever achieve them. My husband and I have had a dream since we got married: to live in the country. 

My husband lived his first 18 years on a farm. His dad lived his whole life on the farm and his dad before that. Farming is in my husbands blood. Since we've been married we've lived in a small apartment in West St. Paul and two different houses in a small town. Right now we know this is where we need to be but it is hard for him to be in town with limited space. He misses the space and freedom a farm has. 

I spent a few years of my childhood on a little acre of land outside a small town and I have never felt as much freedom as I did during those years. I want that for my kids.

The truth is that land around here is very expensive because it's all farm land. Getting 5 acres of land will cost as much as our house does now. It's been hard for both of us to put off that dream. 

Last year we started budgeting. Before budgeting we didn't always keep up with the student loan payments and rarely paid extra. Now we are a few months from paying off all extra debt and will start paying extra on our rental houses. Our first rental will be paid off in a little over 4 years. In about 15 years will should have two rentals and our house completely paid off. We can finally see God opening doors for us. We may not live in the country when we want to but we know that we will when God is ready for us.

Over the past year I learned a few important things:

1. Prayer: Our dreams mean nothing if God is not on board. My husband and I need to be spending more time praying over where God wants us to be. If he truly has plans for us to live in the country, then he will open the doors for us. Our hearts need to be ready in case God has other amazing plans for our life.
2. Set Goals: I have started setting weekly goals for myself. This year I also set yearly goals for myself and my family. We have clear plans to accomplish what we need to achieve our dreams by taking baby steps to get there.
3. Be obedient: We were not be obedient with our money. Once we were, we were blessed in more ways then we ever thought possible. It felt like we had extra money being thrown at us in every direction. There were moments of temptation but after resisting, we were blessed again. If God can bless us financially when we obey, how will he bless us when we obey in all parts of our lives?

One thing I can say about right now, is that God has blessed me more then I could have ever imagined. We have a nice house, decent vehicles, money for necessities, and God watching over us. This may not be the orginal dream my husband and I had, but it is a good one.

Hearts at Home: 7 Habits of Highly Effective Moms

My last session at Hearts at Home was called 7 Habits of Highly Effective Moms by Sherry Surratt. Sherry is the CEO of Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS), mother of two and grandmother to one. 

This session was slightly different because most of the session was conveying a study done to discover the habits of highly effective moms. It was very interesting to me as someone so enjoys numbers, data, and statistics. Here is what the study came up with: 

First they came up with the Better Mom Better World Metric to in a sense create the image of the perfect mom. This was used to study moms that had these qualities and from their study their habits.  An effective mom would have:

• A strong core resilience
• Healthy network of friends
• Supportive partner
• Developed Mom Finesse
• Spiritual Development

Now that we know what the characteristics of an effective mom are, the habits were easy to find. If you've ever heard of the 7 habits of highly effective leaders, you might be surprised to see some similarities in habits. In the end there were 7 very distinctive habits. 

1. They put themselves first in spiritual development. Their day is fit around God instead of trying to fit God into their day.
2. Engage in spiritual walk that has nothing to do with being a wife or a mom. You need an identity in Christ separate from everyone else. 
3. They form a S.W.A.T team of support. Husbands and mommy friends are the most common team members and are always trusted confidants. 
4. They continue to invest in who they were before they became a mom.
5. They balance being a mom and a woman. 
6. They keep their sense of humor. 
7. They parent with the end in mind.

Well if that list doesn't just make you want to crawl into bed and hide, you may be more effective than me. I can say I usually keep my sense of humor and I believe I parent with the end in mind although I know there is always room to grow. 

When I look at the habits I can tell that my hardest has to be number 4. I can hardly remember what it was like before kids. My whole identity is mom and wife and there are so many times where I can't remember who I was before that. There will come a day where I won't be mommy anymore and that scares me. Who will I be then? The good news is, the session ended on a really good note. 

3 Splendid and Beautiful Truths: 

1. There is NO perfect to achieve
2. Great moms don't happen on accident, but on purpose
3. God's got your back

I may not be able to achieve perfect but looking at the habits, I know which one I need to work on the most. In 2014 I can work to find who I am again and work towards being that person again. 

To end I will let you ponder the verses shared as the session closed out. It may seem a little odd at first but think about what it takes to be a mom. You need a plan and you need your weapons. What are those for you?

Ephesians 6: 13-18 "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes form the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

How Do You Teach Your Kids to Follow Christ?

 

My third session at Hearts at Home was called Raising Generations Who Raise Generations to Follow Christ presented by Dana Blomberg. It was a nice session but I didn't really feel like this was as beneficial as I thought it would be. Raised in a Christian home, being a Christian for most of my life, I knew most everything she all ready mentioned. I still feel like I should share with you as there may be moms and dads out their that don't know these principles. 



5 Key Principles For Passing The Baton to Your Kids

1. We need to teach proper respect and proper view of authority. Kids learn this by watching us. They will mirror our actions. If you want you child to be having daily devotions, then you need to have one as well.
2. Teach them absolute truth. God's natural law is absolute. There are absolute consequences. (Fire burns, touching fire will burn you: absolute law and absolute consequences.) God's moral law is absolute. He gave us the 10 commandments as our moral guideline.
3. Teach them the gospel: who God is, what is sin and what are the consequences, and how to respond to salvation.
4. Teach your children how to pray. Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication (ACTS). Give them fill in the blank prayers, especially the young ones. (I'm sorry for . . .) (I'm Thankful for . . .)
5. Teach them how to apply God's word to their life. They will learn to apply when they see you apply. 

Dana Blomberg had some great points about teaching your kids to follow Christ. In our house we really use a variety of ways. Since they are still very young, we are limited. The two older girls go to Sunday School and Awana. At home we like to watch Jelly Telly TV and Theo. We spend time reading bible stories and talking about them. We pray together. We have been intentional about being involved in our children's faith journey.
 

Get Organized!

 

The second session I attended at Hearts at Home was titled "The Get Yourself Organized Project". This was a really nice session with basic advice for those of us who are really tired of trying to be Martha. I love how she defined organization: "Organization is getting the things done that are important." 

Her ideas are pretty simple. There are two things you need, a system and accountability.

She gives 8 simple rules for getting organized:

1. Work Backwards: Break up a task so that you don't have to do everything at the last minute. Give yourself time to complete tasks and do them on days/nights that are less stressful. This is a great concept to teach your children when it comes to school work. 
2. Apply Pressure Where Needed: What makes you feel the craziest? Which room do you hate to walk into? If you feel better having a clean kitchen focus there, if it's the bathroom then focus on that room instead.
3. Wait For a Path to Appear: There is no perfect solution to organize your craziness. Take a look at what your problem is and where the path is. Her example was shoes in the entryway. To solve the problem she bought a shelf and put it out of the way to hide it from visitors. Well that of course didn't work. Her husband suggested a basket by the door where shoes end up. I'm sure you can guess that it was much more successful. There was a path already and the basket was just placed on the path, where the shelf was trying to create a new one.
4. Never Organize Alone: It seems like common sense but use your family. This is a great opportunity to teach your kids responsibility and how to be part of the family.
5. Treat Your Home Like A Grown Up Kindergarten Room: Have you ever been in a kindergarten classroom before? EVERYTHING is labeled. Why? So the children can do for themselves. I organize and my kids and husband unorganize, why? I know where things go but they don't.
6. 3 Boxes 2 Bags: I've heard similar strategies before. Set the timer for 15 minutes and work on one room. Grab your 3 boxes and 2 bags.
• GREEN box: give away
• Purple box: put back
• Orange box: other rooms
• 1 Garbage bag
• 1 Recycle bag
7. Make a Decision Even If Its Wrong: If you are unsure about an item, pretty soon that one item starts multiplying. If you don't need it or don't use it, get rid of it. You will always be able to replace it later.
8. It's Your House You Make the Rules: As a mother of 3 preschoolers I am seeing the importance of house rules when it comes to cleaning and organizing. Some parents might not make their kids clean up their messes but in my house, if you make the mess then you can clean it up.

It was a nice session that reminded me just to be simple in cleaning and organizing. There are great blogs out there helping you get organized but it can be overwhelming. What I took away from this was to make things simple for myself and family. Help them learn how to organize and stay organized. I don't need to do everything on my own. This is our house and we ALL need to be responsible for taking care of it. Nothing was mind blowing but gentle reassurance that I can do better and I'm already doing ok.

For more ideas check out http://www.kathilipp.com. There is so many great posts on her website and several books available for purchase including The Get Yourself Organized Project.

How Do You Protect Your Child in a World Gone Mad?

For my first session at Hearts at Home, I had the privilege to hear Susan Merrill from iMOM.com. The session was titled The Passionate Mom: Protecting Your Child in the World. It stood out to me because the world I was raised in was so different then world that I am raising my children in. With my oldest approaching her 5th birthday, I didn't want to wait to long to get ideas on how to use, but limit the available technology. They already are exposed and know how to use the technology around them, I need to learn how to teach them how to be responsible. 

The first way to battle the world's influence is to BE PERCEPTIVE. What are your kids saying or not saying that you need to pay attention to? How do you do that? Be alert, be available, and be attentive. You know your kids better than anyone else. You know your child's patterns of behavior. If you are being attentive, you will notice changes in behavior which often means there is an issue that you as the parent need to address. If you strive to be Mary rather then Martha, you will better recognize your child's needs and be more available for their conversations. Sometimes that means turning off all distractions including your phone.

Can you be less perceptive? There are 3 ways Susan says you can be less perceptive:

1. Stunted perception: This is the "everything will be ok syndrome". Parents who are less perceptive are more likely to make the comments, "boys will boys" or "everything will work itself out". As parents we need to be aware of those behavior changes. Children who are acting out have issues that need to be dealt with. The best time to work on those issues is when they first start appearing.
2. Selective Perception: Parents who have selective perception chose to focus on one issue, which is often a more minor issue, and miss a bigger issue. If your child is getting bad grades and bullying a kid at school, which issue needs parents to deal with first? Selective perception would have a parent addressing the bad grades and ignoring the bulling. If you take a look at the minor issues, it may be a by product of a more major issue. 
3. Politically Correct Perception: These are your children and if you know and don't do anything because you are afraid of offending someone, you are not helping your children. These parents have a hard time giving consequences and often worry more about others then what is right and wrong. 

Now that you know there is an issue to deal with you need to HAVE A PLAN. Susan uses the book of Nehemiah as an example of how we as parents need to guide our kids as they grow and enter the world. Nehemiah built the wall to protect the Temple. Today our temple is our bodies and as parents we are in charge of those bodies of our children. Nehemiah also knew that building a wall with no gate would only hurt the people. He established "gate rules" in order to guide the people. As parents we must do the same thing. 

Gate Rules (taken directly from Susan during the session):

1. You are the gate keeper and you report God not your child
2. A gate is opened as a privilege, not a right
3. A gate should not be opened based on age
4. A gate opened can always be closed again
5. Once opened a gate must be carefully guarded

I really loved the idea of the wall and gates. We as parents report to God and your child needs to realize that. If that means sitting down and looking at all internet searches your children do, then you do it. It may mean you have all your child's text sent to your phone. You are the parent, you are not their friend and if your child thinks they can sneak past your gate they will. 

It is really hard in our culture that teaches parents to be their friends and respect their privacy. Until they are adults, they are your responsibility and you have be strict in a day in age that the world is climbing over your walls and breaking down your gates trying to get your kids. This world is so very different then it was 20 years ago when I was a kid. We went from kids hiding diaries from their parents or notes passed in class to cell phones with kids sexting, downloading porn, and little control from parents over things that have always been harmful to children.  

iMOM.com and allprodad.com have great resources for all ages including cell phone contracts, driving contracts, pet contracts, and so much more. There are articles for parenting all ages and family relationships. 

We are the parents and we need to prepare for battle against the forces of darkness that are trying to take our children. You as a parent need to stand strong or you'll be knocked down.

No Longer Being the Perfect Mom

Saturday morning, at Hearts at Home, started with speaker Jill Savage. Besides being a mom to five and grandmother to three, she is an author, speaker, and founder of Hearts at Home.

I had the opportunity several months ago to read Jill's book No More Perfect Moms. It isn't a book where you will learn so many news things, but instead you'll finish reading saying "I know that, but why do I keep forgetting?" You'll want to reread and remind yourself there are no perfect moms.

In her keynote speech she asked us 4 questions:

1. What if I gave myself and others a chance to fail and make mistakes?
2. What if I actually had realistic expecations of myself and others?
3. What if I took off my mask and was honest with others?
4. What if I replaced being perfect with being perfected?

Failure is something I struggle with daily. I feel like I have to always prove to myself and others I am a good mom, that I can do it. I have always struggled with the fear of failure and because of that I always second guess myself and my ability. Giving myself a chance to fail and make mistakes, I believe, would relieve pressure I put on myself. 
Mistakes have the ability to make us better and smarter. A child learns not to touch a hot stove by touching it one day when mom isn't looking. Your child gains wisdom through their mistake. Is it failure on our part? Did we not spend enough time telling them not to touch? 

Our expectations of our child is to be the perfect child and always listen to mom. Do you know any child who listens to authority all the time? If we change the expectations our children from always being perfect to they will fail, our expectations for ourselves start to match the reality of parenthood. We do need to expect our kids to listen and obey, but also that they will fail. 
When we start looking at our life as messy, so far from perfect, and that there will be times that we fail, our perspective starts changing. We begin to see our ministry as moms. We are in the ministry of being available. Our mission is to take time to look and listen to our children, guide them in decision making, and be there for them when they make their mistakes in life. 

Other moms are struggling just like you. Unfortunately, we moms tend to pretend everything is fine. We want to brag about the good stuff and bury the negative. Instead of talking things out with peers we hide behind our masks. If one person starts taking off their mask and being real, others will start to follow and then we moms will no longer feel alone.
Why do we wear masks? Three simple reasons: control, compare, and criticize. I have really started to see how we do this in our everyday life. Everyone else seems to have it more together then us. Looking around our neighborhood it would be so easy to fall into the trap of Keeping up with the Jones's. What we see on the outside doesn't tell the whole story. Maybe our neighbors are in massive debt and facing foreclosure, but don't want to give up that nice big house and brand new cars. They could be considering divorce yet appear to be the perfect couple. Mom may seem like the perfect soccer mom, involved in everything but on antidepressants and feeling very depressed and alone. Our masks tell others only what we want them to see. If we are all wearing masks how will we ever know what our real story is?

We know we aren't perfect and never will be, so why not let God work in our lives by perfecting us. Jill shared Isaiah 64:8 "Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." I love this verse because it gives us a great image of what could be. I am not an artist and have worked with clay a few times. If I sat down to make a beautiful vase it would look like an strange lump of clay, but if I let a potter step in a mold the clay what will it look like? Our lives are the same way. When we try to control everything, it turns into a huge mess. When we step back and say, "God mold today into a mom and wife you desire me to be," no longer are you relying on yourself alone. What beautiful creation could God create if we stepped back and let Him control instead? 

That night Jill asked an additional question: What if we stopped the mommy wars? I have been fortunate to be in a place where I don't see this as much. We are all moms and struggle with similar issues. Instead of tearing each other down we need to work on building each other up. Our culture does too much tearing down moms already that moms need to step up and be supportive of each other. 

The Perfect Mom?

 

 This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to attend Hearts at Home in Rochester, MN. This was my first time attending and I came away from it feeling refreshed and better prepared to be a better mom. 

The theme this year was No More Perfect Moms. What a great theme. We as moms tend to have the idea that we can be a perfect mom. Then the first child is born and reality hits. Perfection is only achieved by Jesus Christ. Moms we will never be perfect, we will always make mistakes. 

The weekend started Friday night with Moms Night Out. Meredith Andrews provided the music for the weekend. It was a wonderful experience hearing over 2,000 soprano and alto voices worshiping together. Our entertainment for the evening was Anita Renfroe. She is a Christian comedian that offers some unusual insight into women and moms along with a few pop culture parodies. If you need a laugh today check out the links below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYukEAmoMCQ&list=PLA575968E948FAF90
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hbd-2lhYMqw&list=PLA575968E948FAF90


Over the next few weeks I want to share with you what I have taken away from the Keynote speakers and the 4 sessions I attended. I hope you will enjoy and take away some of the insights I have.