Why We Don't Do Rated R

Before we got married, my husband and I went to rated R movies and also owned a few. We really didn't have a strong opinion of them since we watched very few to begin with. 

Three years after we were married we found out we were expecting our first child. At that time I felt God was convicting me to get rid of movies that were full of images and language I never wanted my children to see. So I threw a the few R rated movies we had and stopped getting them from Netflix.

My husband didn't have the same conviction I had but he did respect the no rated R movie policy. Less then a year ago he asked me to get Shawshank Redemption from Netflix. I was hesitant but put it on the list. This was one of his favorite movies ad it broke when we were dating. So after about 10 years of not seeing it, he was finally getting a chance to watch it again.

I have heard the studies done on how we have become desensitized to violence and bad language. We had our own test that night. For 6 years we had watched very few movies with language and graphic violence and we were about the watch a movie full of both. It didn't take long for my husband to comment on how violent it was and how he didn't remember so many swear words. 

After the movie, my husband was so much more on board with the no rated R movies. We may have exceptions here and there, but very few. We know and understand that what is seen cannot be unseen and what has been heard cannot be unheard. 

Choices about movies need to be made with wisdom and discernment. For our family we want to expose ourselves images and sounds that are not going to harm us. We don't want to become so desensitized that we become immune to the evils around us. Violence becomes more accepted and less horrific.Villains become heroes. Occasional nudity becomes pornographic in our hyper sexualized world.To protect our hearts we first need to protect our eyes and ears and those of our children.

Someday

 Someday the clothes will all be washed and put away, but the closets will be empty.

Someday the house will be quite, but there will no longer be the laughter of children that makes me smile.

Someday there won't be toys all over the house, but the house will feel like an empty tomb.

Someday dishes will always be clean, but the dishes will collect dust as they sit there waiting for someone to use them.

Someday my food bill will be almost nothing, but no one will be there to share the meals I make. 

Someday I won't be a the "soccer" mom hauling kids everywhere, but I won't get to watch them with pride and say to other parents, "That's my kid!".

Someday I will look back and wish I had more time with my kids. This time with them is precious. 

Today is the day to be OK with the things that can bring me down. 

Today is the day to appreciate all the gifts that have been given me.

Today is the day to hug and kiss your children and thank God they are in your lives. 

Tomorrow you can enjoy the peace and joy that comes when you raise your kids to love God and love others.

What do you want to show me?

I've heard of people picking a verse that guides them for the year. I think it's a great idea. I did not do that, however one was picked for me. Every so often the same verse keeps coming to my head:

"My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 11:22

I've really been wondering why has this been coming back to me. I'm not in the middle of a major crisis. My life is at a time of peace. Well it is but I am struggling with something. Something I'm somewhat aware of but I keep pushing it aside. I'm dealing with the perfection complexion. I am striving to be the perfect mom who doesn't need help and can do it on her own. Secretly I am overwhelmed and slightly depressed. I end up shutting down and not wanting to do what I know is important. 

God is reminding me that I don't need to be perfect. This verse goes against everything our culture is teaching us. Weakness is bad. Weakness is looked so unfavorably that it brings people to bully others. 

In our weakness God makes us stronger. Does he give the weak little guy some new muscles or does he give him a brain that will cure cancer. How about the the alcoholic? Will his strength come from someone who knows what he is going through and can be there for him when he feels weak? Where does strength come from for the mom that doesn't want people to know how weak she feels? This week it came in the form of other women who have a heart for girls and are able to come together with a common goal and know God put us together to support one another and build each other up. 

God gives us strength even when we don't ask for it. He puts people in our lives to give us strength. He gives us his spirit to feel His peace that surrounds us. Being weak is not a bad thing. Being weak gives us a chance to see what God can do in our lives. 

I may not be going through a deep valley where I can't see my way out, but God is showing me what I need now. He has always known what I need and He is providing it. I am weak and I'm ok with that. With God I will be stronger then I ever could on my own.

Night Time Terror, Night Time Delight

One of the best and worst times of my day is usually bed time. It can go one of two ways: a complete nightmare or a great delight. Today I am thankful to say it has been much more of a delight. 

About 8 months out of the year my husband isn't around Monday through Friday because he works very long hours, so I put all three girls to bed myself. I have had to find creative ways to get them all into bed, which seems to change continually. 

In the past some of our nights have been terrors literally. My oldest had night terrors as an infant. The second had whopping cough at three months and spent the next four months in our bed waking every 45 minutes. The third didn't stop nursing during the night until about 17 months and then finally started sleeping through the night every once and awhile.

Getting the girls to bed has had a lot of ups and downs. I am very thankful my oldest has been very easy. She listens, gets dressed, goes potty, jumps in bed and falls asleep. The middle has been the hardest. When she was in the crib I could put a blanket over her head (I know this sounds weird and unsafe, but she started doing it herself around age one and that's how she would sleep) and she'd fall sleep. Once she got the toddler bed, it was a different story.

 I first started rocking her, then she just needed to be tucked in. Soon she was having a hard time staying in her room so I put the baby gate up and she'd just knock it down. Then I would lock her in the room and sit outside until the crying stopped and unlock the door. Next I tried massaging her arms and legs. That really helped relax her and sometimes fell asleep. Now she has a weighted blanket that helps relax her and I sometimes need to sit by her and sing for a bit.

Our current routine has been working very well for us lately and it has made our nights a true delight. After getting the older girls in jamies, they get in bed with a few books in their containers and can read until I get back down. I take the little one up and get her ready for bed. She has her own routine which consists turning off the light, closing the door, rocking with me, and singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". Then on nights that aren't too late, I read a chapter in the book we are reading which is currently "Little House on the Prairie".

I hope if you are having a tough time with your kids at night this post will help encourage you. There is no doubt that you will have times that are tough and you may want to cry, but know this: There will also be times where you get to kiss your little ones good night or rock your little and just know that you are blessed. You will get to feel that you can finally relax and enjoy the time of peace and quite and now that no one is going to need your attention. There will be good times.

Potty Training Woes

I have now potty trained all three of my girls successfully. I can now tell you that you can read all the wonderful books, blogs, and articles you want but nothing will really prepare you for potty training. 

Let me tell you that everyone makes it look so easy and maybe it is for them. But all kids are different, so your child may be easy or maybe not. Let me tell you how different mine were.

First I will tell you I did use the boot camp method with all three at some point. This was the most effective way to train. They got underwear and potty breaks every 15 minutes to start. The time gradually turned into every couple hours after about a month. They all started somewhere between 2 and 3 years old.

My first was the easiest. By day three she successfully peed and pooped in the potty. After that it was easy until about a year later when she was constantly having accidents. It was her not wanting to take a break and go to the bathroom. I took away her dress up clothes since they were important to her and I was tired of washing them. Every time she went in the potty she got one back and when she had an accident, one was taken away. Within a month she was back to being accident free. 

The second was the hardest. She had no desire to be clean and would play in her wet clothes after her accident. It was very frustrating and I just couldn't get her to care. For about 6 months I was cleaning her up several times a day. She rarely went a whole day without having an accident and NEVER pooped in the potty. 

I tried rewarding her but nothing seemed to work. We even gave her a Barbie when she finally pooped on the potty. Finally I decided to take away her My Little Pony's every time she had an accident. Like her sister, she could earn them back by going in the potty. Again like her sister, after a month she was accident free and finally pooping on the potty. 

The third was in between the two. She learned quickly how to pee in the potty and had no desire to use the potty chair but instead the big potty (we have one of the seats that has a built in child seat). It took her a few months to finally poop on the potty. The crazy thing is, it took us going on vacation to get her to start pooping on the potty. She went at our hotel, at her aunt and uncle's house, and at gas stations. For most of our trip she stayed dry. It has now been two months and she has had very few accidents. 

In my experience potty training takes work. It is so worth it once they are trained but it is much harder then most want to admit. It's ok if your child is taking a long time to learn. It's ok if you feel like it will never end. You are not alone. It will end eventually and it does get better eventually. 

I'd love to hear your stories. What worked for you? What kind of crazy stories do you have? 

Life is Made of Valleys

 

I have to admit that there are some days that social media is a curse, but if you are looking in the right places it can also be a blessing. Once again I am participating in an on-line Bible study. It is a blessing to get to know other women who are so like you and going through the same struggles. 

The current study is by Derwin L. Gray called Limitless Life. This is my third study and am very excited for what this might bring. 

One thing I've learned over the past few years is that life is full of valleys. In order for us to really grow in our relationship with God and others you can't just stay on the plains. Even when you do, a valley comes out of no where. 

Some of the most challenging months of my life were three years ago. In one day my life turned upside down. I found out I was pregnant and within a few hours we found out we lost the house we had already started moving in to. On top of that our 5 month old was still recovering from whooping cough and could only sleep for about 45 minutes before being woken from a coughing fit. I was tired, losing weight, and felt totally out of control of my entire life.

I can tell you I've never prayed like I did those few months. It was really the first time I felt like things were so out of control that I had no choice but to give it to God. I remember vividly watching my sleeping daughter and praying that God would be with her and heal her. Feeling that out of control put me in a place I've never been before and had I not went through that experience, I would never had known what peace feels like when you no longer need to control everything. 

The label MOM has been mine for the past 5 years. There are times I feel that's all I am, but I feel like I can now embrace that label and be the mom God wants me to be. My kids have given me purpose. I'm here as their mom to guide them. I know now how precious time with them is. My label is one of the best I could have after Daughter of the King. God's given me a label to be proud of.

My valley taught me so much. My relationship with God and my family are the most important things and the only things that will last.

Your valley will bring to closer to God if you let it. It can also bury you. God is there and just waiting for you to ask for help and what's more, He is already there with you even before you ask. He will never leave you nor forsake you. 

Your life will have valleys. Some will make you feel trapped and others will give you hope. You are meant to be there for a time. You are meant to grow as a child of The Most High God. 

When you come out of the valley, look back on your journey. See where you struggled and where you let God work. Look carefully where He carried you and guided you. He was with you the whole time.

For Such A Time As This

One of my favorite Bible stories is Esther for a couple reasons. Of course as a woman, I love to see stories of amazing women God used. To me it is important to remind myself and my girls that God thinks we are important too. He has a purpose for us because we are women. 

I also love the story of Esther because of what Mordeccai said to Esther when he was pleading for help: 

"Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4: 13-14

A few years ago that passage stuck out to me like it never has. Every time I read it I feel like I learn even more. First God and God alone put Esther in the role of queen to save her people. Why else would a Jewish girl become queen instead of one of the hundreds of other beautiful girls. 

The phrase, "such a time as this" keeps playing in my head. If God can make Esther queen so she can save her people, what plans does He have for me? Of all the times for me to live, this is when God chose us to live. We are here for such a time as this. 

He calls us just as He called Esther. What I find even more interesting and inspiring of the passage is that Mordecai tells Esther that if she doesn't speak up, deliverance will come from some place else. In Judges, Deborah warns Barak that because he didn't trust God when he was called to deliver the Jews, he would not be the one to deliver his people but a woman. God really is series about us obeying Him and there are consequences when we don't.

God will deliver His people, not just the Jews but also His children, believers. We were put here on this earth at this time for a "such a time as this". We have a chance to do what God has called us to do, be a light that shines with LOVE:

Matthew 5:14 "You are the light of world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."

Matthew 5:44 "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

Matthew 19:19 "love your neighbor as yourself"

John 13:34-35 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love on anther. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love on another."

John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

 I feel God is calling me to rain down love on those around me for such a time as this. What has God called you to do? Are you obeying?

How Can You Use the Cinderella Effect to Teach Your Daughters About Life

Photo taken from princess.disney.com

My girls LOVE Cinderella. I grew up loving Cinderella. What girl doesn't want be Cinderella.

After I had my oldest, I really didn't know if I wanted to expose my daughters to the Disney Princess culture. Are we really teaching them reality? I started out trying to keep my daughter shielded from that Princess culture but by the time she was two, I couldn't keep her shielded anymore.

The next two years I started realizing that there are great lessons to learn from these movies and my job as mom isn't always to shield but instead teach.

What I call the Cinderella effect is the idea that the boy and girl will meet and fall in love at first site. There might be a small obstacle in their way but then they go on to live happily ever after.

Photo taken from princess.disney.com

Here is what I want my daughters to learn from the Disney Princesses:

1.  There is a prince out there for them. They won't fall in love at first site but God will lead them to each other. If you wait for God's leading you will know when that prince comes. 
2. They are a daughter of the King, therefore they are already Princesses. Since they are Princesses, they deserved to be treated like one. That does not mean they are spoiled and get everything they want, but they are treated with respect. The prince should be putting the needs of the princess before his own. He opens doors, pays for dates, picks her up at the door and says hello to the parents, and always keeps in mind that to disrespect the Princess will always have severe consequences.
3. There is no such thing as a Happily Ever After in the Disney sense. Marriage takes work. A lot of work. You can still be happy and feel like its a Happily Ever After if you take the time to make it work. Cinderella had to spend years being treated poorly by family before she met the prince. Your relationship with your husband will have to go through some valleys. It makes the Happily Ever After worth it in the end.
4. You should never give up on your dreams. Cinderella dreamed of a better life and she got it in the end, even when it took her many years. Belle wanted someone who would love her for her and care for her father as well. It took her father getting lost, locked up, her taking his place, her getting scared and living with the last thing on earth anyone would want. It also took lots of hard relationship work before she got her dreams. It isn't about the castles but about contentment in life. Their dreams are all about being content with life and working towards those dreams.

Being Blessed With Sick Kids

A few weeks ago as Christmas was drawing near and our plans were being finalized, I had in my mind the vision of how Christmas was going to go. Here is how I envisioned it would go:

Tuesday my in-laws would come over sometime around noon. We would get food ready and eat. Kids would open presents and then go play downstairs with them. The adults would sit around and visit for a few hours. 

Around four we'd start getting girls ready for church. At five we'd be sitting together at the Christmas Eve Service. 

When we got back the girls would open their blankets I made them and the Polar Express book. Then we'd watch the movie, drink hot chocolate, and eat some caramel corn. 

Wednesday morning we were to open presents, smile, laugh, and enjoy the morning. Then we'd get dressed and head over to my parents house and have some pancakes while we wait for my brother and his fiance to get there. 

We'd open gifts again, smile, laugh and enjoy the kiddos. The rest of the day would be spent getting our meal together, visiting, and playing a game or two. 

Doesn't that sound like the perfect Christmas? Who wouldn't want a Christmas like that? Well it didn't really go like that at all. Here is how Christmas really went for us this year:

 Tuesday my in-laws did come over before noon. As I'm getting the meal together, my middle daughter needed to be cleaned up and comforted because she had diarrhea. Later the little one was discovered to have diarrhea also. That meant someone was going to stay home with the younger two instead of going to church. 

My husband went with our oldest and when they returned it had started snowing pretty well. That meant that the husband would be out all night moving snow, so we opened all the presents that night. 

Because it took a little while to do so, it was too late to watch the Polar Express. Instead we read the book while drinking hot chocolate. 

As the two older girls were finishing their hot chocolate, I was sitting on the couch with the little one and of course she had to throw up all over her new blanket. 

Husband got the other two to bed, I got the little one to bed, and he headed out to move snow. It was a long night, ending with someone in bed with me and it was not my husband. 

Wednesday morning started with the girls watching the Polar Express, me starting cinnamon rolls and the little one throwing up, again. 

The husband got home and blew off our driveway around 9am (we had about twice as much snow as predicted). Little one went back to sleep, husband went to sleep, and the other two girls and I headed to my parents. 

We opened presents, chatted for a little bit and then I had a phone call from the husband and little one. She was hungry (which made sense since she had very little to eat in 24 hours and threw up what little she did have). 

I came home, gave her a cracker and a sip of juice and snuggled. After an hour she seemed ok so we headed to my parents again. 

I spent the next few hours snuggling with her and chatting with my family. She got really tired and want to go home and sleep in her own bed so her and I headed home, alone. 

At five I woke her up so we could go eat supper with the family. She ate a little bread and turkey, but looked very out of it still. We didn't stay long and headed home to get everyone in bed. My husband was the first in bed, he was extremely tired. 

 There were some really important lessons I learned yesterday. My Christmas was far from the perfect one I imagined. I did enjoy Christmas despite everything. 

I was forced to slow down and just be. I'm a planner and when things don't go the way I planned, I sometimes have a hard time with those changes. It creates a lot of anxiety in me. Forcing me to sit and cuddle the sick child made me sit and be. I couldn't be in control of anything except the care of my child. It made my Christmas one of the most relaxed I've had in a long time. 

I was given opportunities. Because I came home alone so my little one could nap, I was given a chance get some things cleaned up and a break from everything. I had a chance to sit in a quite house and have some time alone. That is such a rarity for me. It gave me peace and time for reflection. It was a wonderful time of renewal of energy for me even though it was only a few hours. 

 This Christmas I was very blessed to have sick kids. I was given things I never asked for but very much needed. God is truly amazing that way. He will give us what we ask but also what we don't ask. He knows our needs even when we don't. 

 

How Do You Teach Your Kids to Follow Christ?

 

My third session at Hearts at Home was called Raising Generations Who Raise Generations to Follow Christ presented by Dana Blomberg. It was a nice session but I didn't really feel like this was as beneficial as I thought it would be. Raised in a Christian home, being a Christian for most of my life, I knew most everything she all ready mentioned. I still feel like I should share with you as there may be moms and dads out their that don't know these principles. 



5 Key Principles For Passing The Baton to Your Kids

1. We need to teach proper respect and proper view of authority. Kids learn this by watching us. They will mirror our actions. If you want you child to be having daily devotions, then you need to have one as well.
2. Teach them absolute truth. God's natural law is absolute. There are absolute consequences. (Fire burns, touching fire will burn you: absolute law and absolute consequences.) God's moral law is absolute. He gave us the 10 commandments as our moral guideline.
3. Teach them the gospel: who God is, what is sin and what are the consequences, and how to respond to salvation.
4. Teach your children how to pray. Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication (ACTS). Give them fill in the blank prayers, especially the young ones. (I'm sorry for . . .) (I'm Thankful for . . .)
5. Teach them how to apply God's word to their life. They will learn to apply when they see you apply. 

Dana Blomberg had some great points about teaching your kids to follow Christ. In our house we really use a variety of ways. Since they are still very young, we are limited. The two older girls go to Sunday School and Awana. At home we like to watch Jelly Telly TV and Theo. We spend time reading bible stories and talking about them. We pray together. We have been intentional about being involved in our children's faith journey.
 

Vaccine Conundrum: Should You Vaccinate?

Today there is such a debate over whether to vaccinate or not. I have read almost everything I could get my hands on. One thing that I can say for certainty is that vaccines have NOT been proven to cause autism. So first time moms don't be scared of vaccines because of that. Other factors are now being considered including mother's age.

What is important is to really take time to research each vaccine and decide if it is worth getting or not. I spent the time and decided that my kids will get their vaccines except flu and HPV. My youngest still hasn't gotten her vaccine for chickenpox and may never, I haven't decided yet. 

When you start doing the research and trying to make decision on whether or not to vaccine you need to think not only of your child but also those they may come in contact with. 

When my middle daughter was three months old she started getting what I thought was just a cold. She started coughing more than I was comfortable with which sent us to see the nurse practitioner. She sent us home saying she was fine.

By that night her coughing had gotten much worse. It had both my husband and I scared for her. We headed to the ER around midnight. After being there for a few hours, a chest x-ray, a call to a pediatrician, and other tests that were sent out to Mayo, we were sent home.

The next day she was put on medication for suspected whooping cough. The test came back a few days later as positive. The next week was spent getting everyone in to the doctor and through a round of antibiotics and fielding phone calls from Infectious Disease.  

We were very grateful that she had a more mild case, but the next four months were filled a long road to recovery. It took four long months for her coughing to go away. Four months before she could sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time because she was woken up with a coughing spell. Four months before I could be in a different room than her and not have to run and help her through a coughing spell. Constant ear infections until she had tubes put in just before her second birthday. Little speech until that point resulting in speech therapy. 

Our little one had her first Dtap vaccine at 2 months. It only protects at about 70%. I believe that the vaccine is what made her case more mild. The one vaccine that I believe everyone needs to consider is the Dtap. My baby had health problems since she was three months old because someone she came in contact with had whooping cough. Adults and kids need to get vaccinated to protect others. 

Other parents aren't so lucky. Whooping cough/Pertussis is highly contagious up to 10 days before the coughing starts. It can also be very deadly for infants and those with health problems. Vaccinations aren't just about your child but others around them.

I encourage you to read another story about a family that had to deal with pertussis http://shotbyshot.org/pertussis/bradys-story/. 

Get Organized!

 

The second session I attended at Hearts at Home was titled "The Get Yourself Organized Project". This was a really nice session with basic advice for those of us who are really tired of trying to be Martha. I love how she defined organization: "Organization is getting the things done that are important." 

Her ideas are pretty simple. There are two things you need, a system and accountability.

She gives 8 simple rules for getting organized:

1. Work Backwards: Break up a task so that you don't have to do everything at the last minute. Give yourself time to complete tasks and do them on days/nights that are less stressful. This is a great concept to teach your children when it comes to school work. 
2. Apply Pressure Where Needed: What makes you feel the craziest? Which room do you hate to walk into? If you feel better having a clean kitchen focus there, if it's the bathroom then focus on that room instead.
3. Wait For a Path to Appear: There is no perfect solution to organize your craziness. Take a look at what your problem is and where the path is. Her example was shoes in the entryway. To solve the problem she bought a shelf and put it out of the way to hide it from visitors. Well that of course didn't work. Her husband suggested a basket by the door where shoes end up. I'm sure you can guess that it was much more successful. There was a path already and the basket was just placed on the path, where the shelf was trying to create a new one.
4. Never Organize Alone: It seems like common sense but use your family. This is a great opportunity to teach your kids responsibility and how to be part of the family.
5. Treat Your Home Like A Grown Up Kindergarten Room: Have you ever been in a kindergarten classroom before? EVERYTHING is labeled. Why? So the children can do for themselves. I organize and my kids and husband unorganize, why? I know where things go but they don't.
6. 3 Boxes 2 Bags: I've heard similar strategies before. Set the timer for 15 minutes and work on one room. Grab your 3 boxes and 2 bags.
• GREEN box: give away
• Purple box: put back
• Orange box: other rooms
• 1 Garbage bag
• 1 Recycle bag
7. Make a Decision Even If Its Wrong: If you are unsure about an item, pretty soon that one item starts multiplying. If you don't need it or don't use it, get rid of it. You will always be able to replace it later.
8. It's Your House You Make the Rules: As a mother of 3 preschoolers I am seeing the importance of house rules when it comes to cleaning and organizing. Some parents might not make their kids clean up their messes but in my house, if you make the mess then you can clean it up.

It was a nice session that reminded me just to be simple in cleaning and organizing. There are great blogs out there helping you get organized but it can be overwhelming. What I took away from this was to make things simple for myself and family. Help them learn how to organize and stay organized. I don't need to do everything on my own. This is our house and we ALL need to be responsible for taking care of it. Nothing was mind blowing but gentle reassurance that I can do better and I'm already doing ok.

For more ideas check out http://www.kathilipp.com. There is so many great posts on her website and several books available for purchase including The Get Yourself Organized Project.

How Do You Protect Your Child in a World Gone Mad?

For my first session at Hearts at Home, I had the privilege to hear Susan Merrill from iMOM.com. The session was titled The Passionate Mom: Protecting Your Child in the World. It stood out to me because the world I was raised in was so different then world that I am raising my children in. With my oldest approaching her 5th birthday, I didn't want to wait to long to get ideas on how to use, but limit the available technology. They already are exposed and know how to use the technology around them, I need to learn how to teach them how to be responsible. 

The first way to battle the world's influence is to BE PERCEPTIVE. What are your kids saying or not saying that you need to pay attention to? How do you do that? Be alert, be available, and be attentive. You know your kids better than anyone else. You know your child's patterns of behavior. If you are being attentive, you will notice changes in behavior which often means there is an issue that you as the parent need to address. If you strive to be Mary rather then Martha, you will better recognize your child's needs and be more available for their conversations. Sometimes that means turning off all distractions including your phone.

Can you be less perceptive? There are 3 ways Susan says you can be less perceptive:

1. Stunted perception: This is the "everything will be ok syndrome". Parents who are less perceptive are more likely to make the comments, "boys will boys" or "everything will work itself out". As parents we need to be aware of those behavior changes. Children who are acting out have issues that need to be dealt with. The best time to work on those issues is when they first start appearing.
2. Selective Perception: Parents who have selective perception chose to focus on one issue, which is often a more minor issue, and miss a bigger issue. If your child is getting bad grades and bullying a kid at school, which issue needs parents to deal with first? Selective perception would have a parent addressing the bad grades and ignoring the bulling. If you take a look at the minor issues, it may be a by product of a more major issue. 
3. Politically Correct Perception: These are your children and if you know and don't do anything because you are afraid of offending someone, you are not helping your children. These parents have a hard time giving consequences and often worry more about others then what is right and wrong. 

Now that you know there is an issue to deal with you need to HAVE A PLAN. Susan uses the book of Nehemiah as an example of how we as parents need to guide our kids as they grow and enter the world. Nehemiah built the wall to protect the Temple. Today our temple is our bodies and as parents we are in charge of those bodies of our children. Nehemiah also knew that building a wall with no gate would only hurt the people. He established "gate rules" in order to guide the people. As parents we must do the same thing. 

Gate Rules (taken directly from Susan during the session):

1. You are the gate keeper and you report God not your child
2. A gate is opened as a privilege, not a right
3. A gate should not be opened based on age
4. A gate opened can always be closed again
5. Once opened a gate must be carefully guarded

I really loved the idea of the wall and gates. We as parents report to God and your child needs to realize that. If that means sitting down and looking at all internet searches your children do, then you do it. It may mean you have all your child's text sent to your phone. You are the parent, you are not their friend and if your child thinks they can sneak past your gate they will. 

It is really hard in our culture that teaches parents to be their friends and respect their privacy. Until they are adults, they are your responsibility and you have be strict in a day in age that the world is climbing over your walls and breaking down your gates trying to get your kids. This world is so very different then it was 20 years ago when I was a kid. We went from kids hiding diaries from their parents or notes passed in class to cell phones with kids sexting, downloading porn, and little control from parents over things that have always been harmful to children.  

iMOM.com and allprodad.com have great resources for all ages including cell phone contracts, driving contracts, pet contracts, and so much more. There are articles for parenting all ages and family relationships. 

We are the parents and we need to prepare for battle against the forces of darkness that are trying to take our children. You as a parent need to stand strong or you'll be knocked down.

No Longer Being the Perfect Mom

Saturday morning, at Hearts at Home, started with speaker Jill Savage. Besides being a mom to five and grandmother to three, she is an author, speaker, and founder of Hearts at Home.

I had the opportunity several months ago to read Jill's book No More Perfect Moms. It isn't a book where you will learn so many news things, but instead you'll finish reading saying "I know that, but why do I keep forgetting?" You'll want to reread and remind yourself there are no perfect moms.

In her keynote speech she asked us 4 questions:

1. What if I gave myself and others a chance to fail and make mistakes?
2. What if I actually had realistic expecations of myself and others?
3. What if I took off my mask and was honest with others?
4. What if I replaced being perfect with being perfected?

Failure is something I struggle with daily. I feel like I have to always prove to myself and others I am a good mom, that I can do it. I have always struggled with the fear of failure and because of that I always second guess myself and my ability. Giving myself a chance to fail and make mistakes, I believe, would relieve pressure I put on myself. 
Mistakes have the ability to make us better and smarter. A child learns not to touch a hot stove by touching it one day when mom isn't looking. Your child gains wisdom through their mistake. Is it failure on our part? Did we not spend enough time telling them not to touch? 

Our expectations of our child is to be the perfect child and always listen to mom. Do you know any child who listens to authority all the time? If we change the expectations our children from always being perfect to they will fail, our expectations for ourselves start to match the reality of parenthood. We do need to expect our kids to listen and obey, but also that they will fail. 
When we start looking at our life as messy, so far from perfect, and that there will be times that we fail, our perspective starts changing. We begin to see our ministry as moms. We are in the ministry of being available. Our mission is to take time to look and listen to our children, guide them in decision making, and be there for them when they make their mistakes in life. 

Other moms are struggling just like you. Unfortunately, we moms tend to pretend everything is fine. We want to brag about the good stuff and bury the negative. Instead of talking things out with peers we hide behind our masks. If one person starts taking off their mask and being real, others will start to follow and then we moms will no longer feel alone.
Why do we wear masks? Three simple reasons: control, compare, and criticize. I have really started to see how we do this in our everyday life. Everyone else seems to have it more together then us. Looking around our neighborhood it would be so easy to fall into the trap of Keeping up with the Jones's. What we see on the outside doesn't tell the whole story. Maybe our neighbors are in massive debt and facing foreclosure, but don't want to give up that nice big house and brand new cars. They could be considering divorce yet appear to be the perfect couple. Mom may seem like the perfect soccer mom, involved in everything but on antidepressants and feeling very depressed and alone. Our masks tell others only what we want them to see. If we are all wearing masks how will we ever know what our real story is?

We know we aren't perfect and never will be, so why not let God work in our lives by perfecting us. Jill shared Isaiah 64:8 "Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." I love this verse because it gives us a great image of what could be. I am not an artist and have worked with clay a few times. If I sat down to make a beautiful vase it would look like an strange lump of clay, but if I let a potter step in a mold the clay what will it look like? Our lives are the same way. When we try to control everything, it turns into a huge mess. When we step back and say, "God mold today into a mom and wife you desire me to be," no longer are you relying on yourself alone. What beautiful creation could God create if we stepped back and let Him control instead? 

That night Jill asked an additional question: What if we stopped the mommy wars? I have been fortunate to be in a place where I don't see this as much. We are all moms and struggle with similar issues. Instead of tearing each other down we need to work on building each other up. Our culture does too much tearing down moms already that moms need to step up and be supportive of each other. 

The Perfect Mom?

 

 This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to attend Hearts at Home in Rochester, MN. This was my first time attending and I came away from it feeling refreshed and better prepared to be a better mom. 

The theme this year was No More Perfect Moms. What a great theme. We as moms tend to have the idea that we can be a perfect mom. Then the first child is born and reality hits. Perfection is only achieved by Jesus Christ. Moms we will never be perfect, we will always make mistakes. 

The weekend started Friday night with Moms Night Out. Meredith Andrews provided the music for the weekend. It was a wonderful experience hearing over 2,000 soprano and alto voices worshiping together. Our entertainment for the evening was Anita Renfroe. She is a Christian comedian that offers some unusual insight into women and moms along with a few pop culture parodies. If you need a laugh today check out the links below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYukEAmoMCQ&list=PLA575968E948FAF90
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hbd-2lhYMqw&list=PLA575968E948FAF90


Over the next few weeks I want to share with you what I have taken away from the Keynote speakers and the 4 sessions I attended. I hope you will enjoy and take away some of the insights I have.

God's Gift

There are moments in life where God really pours out his blessings. One of those moments for me was when my 4 year old asked Jesus into her heart.

It started out as a conversation about Jesus and how he is in my heart. It was so easy her to want the same thing. It took everything in me not to cry when we prayed asking Him into her heart. I am blessed to be the mother of wonderful little girls. God showed me his love that day in a way that is rarely seen by adults.

My daughter was so trusting and faith comes so easy. Jesus is good and loves us so why wouldn't she want Him in her heart. I am again reminded what it means to have the faith of a child. They don't over think and analyze everything. There is only black and white for them. No gray, no middle ground. Either you trust or you don't.

To have faith like that is such a powerful thing. I want that but to get there is going to take a lot of work on not only my part but God's as well.

Now my daughter and I have conversations about what it means now that Jesus is in her heart. We talk about how she needs to show her sisters she loves them by sharing toys and not fighting. That is also means that she needs to love and care about others because it is what Jesus wants us to do.

The faith comes easy but the living it out is always the hardest. My prayer for her is that she will continue to try to live for Christ and as the years go by she will continue to live for Him.

Answer God's calling

The past few months found me so much busier then I could have imagined. We had family come visit for 2 weeks, which kept me busy, but in a good way. I became the new Sunday School Coordinator at our church, which has taken up a lot of extra time that I didn't expect. At home we have started our preschool homeschooling.

Today I just wanted to share a quick bit of insight. God lays things on our hearts in so many different ways. This morning I woke up dreaming about the Sunday School Christmas program. I have been feeling like God's been laying on my heart to make it simple and just tell the story of Jesus birth. This morning I finally had a clear vision of how to do that in a fun way. What this means is, I am writing my own Christmas play.

I love to write but am always worried what people might think. I never thought God would lay on my heart to write a play that will be seen by a full audience of parents and grandparents. But since God called me to do this, he will take my fear away.

Have you felt God calling you to do something? I didn't know if I could take over running our Sunday School program. I'm younger then the teachers, what do I know about running an entire program? God called me to do this and I have the best teaching staff. Without them and their insights, I couldn't do it. God has called us to do small things and great things. Don't ignore his calling or you will miss a chance to be greatly blessed.

Outward vs. Inward

Sunday as I was sitting in our van watching people coming and going at Menards I was hit with a huge realization that I really needed to change my attitude about people. 

After watching a woman walk out wearing the craziest skirt I've ever seen, it hit me that human nature is to judge. When I first looked at this woman the thoughts were: that skirt is crazy why would you wear that in public, she is pasty white, and I feel sorry she is over weight. 

I looked at this woman's outside appearance but then I began to think, what is her story. Maybe she's wearing those clothes for a reason. It was Sunday maybe she was heading to Bandwagon (Polka dancing shown on TV, popular in our area among the older generations) No matter her story it is not my place to judge her especially since I don't even know her. 

At that point I began to look at her as God would. He loves her so much that He sent His Son to die for her. I began to look at others and say to myself, God loves her and God loves him. What a different attitude I had when I really took time to see the world through God's eyes instead of my own. 

As a Christian growing up in a Church I've always known that Jesus died for me. It has been easy for me to remember that concept since it has been taught from such an early age. I think we as a Church know this but I wonder if we always understand this. Saying Jesus died for everyone is such a broad topic, but when you look at someone and say Jesus died for them, it really changes your opinion of others. He came to save each and every person on this earth past, present and future. The awe of what Jesus did becomes so much more clear.

Jesus came to save the woman in the crazy skirt, our next door neighbor, Adolf Hitler, the Boston bombers, the President of the United States, the Queen of England, and everyone else who has ever lived and will ever live.

We judge as soon as someone who is different or not what we expect enters our world. As Christians we need to go out of our way to stop judging and instead love. We only know what we can see on the outside, God sees the inside. If we start looking as God does, the outside doesn't matter and we can truly love others.

If we want to make a difference in others lives it really needs to start with our attitude towards others. Smile with sincerity as you encounter others. Show them love in unexpected ways. Some people might call it "pay to forward". What can you do today to show love to others?