How Do You Protect Your Child in a World Gone Mad?

For my first session at Hearts at Home, I had the privilege to hear Susan Merrill from iMOM.com. The session was titled The Passionate Mom: Protecting Your Child in the World. It stood out to me because the world I was raised in was so different then world that I am raising my children in. With my oldest approaching her 5th birthday, I didn't want to wait to long to get ideas on how to use, but limit the available technology. They already are exposed and know how to use the technology around them, I need to learn how to teach them how to be responsible. 

The first way to battle the world's influence is to BE PERCEPTIVE. What are your kids saying or not saying that you need to pay attention to? How do you do that? Be alert, be available, and be attentive. You know your kids better than anyone else. You know your child's patterns of behavior. If you are being attentive, you will notice changes in behavior which often means there is an issue that you as the parent need to address. If you strive to be Mary rather then Martha, you will better recognize your child's needs and be more available for their conversations. Sometimes that means turning off all distractions including your phone.

Can you be less perceptive? There are 3 ways Susan says you can be less perceptive:

1. Stunted perception: This is the "everything will be ok syndrome". Parents who are less perceptive are more likely to make the comments, "boys will boys" or "everything will work itself out". As parents we need to be aware of those behavior changes. Children who are acting out have issues that need to be dealt with. The best time to work on those issues is when they first start appearing.
2. Selective Perception: Parents who have selective perception chose to focus on one issue, which is often a more minor issue, and miss a bigger issue. If your child is getting bad grades and bullying a kid at school, which issue needs parents to deal with first? Selective perception would have a parent addressing the bad grades and ignoring the bulling. If you take a look at the minor issues, it may be a by product of a more major issue. 
3. Politically Correct Perception: These are your children and if you know and don't do anything because you are afraid of offending someone, you are not helping your children. These parents have a hard time giving consequences and often worry more about others then what is right and wrong. 

Now that you know there is an issue to deal with you need to HAVE A PLAN. Susan uses the book of Nehemiah as an example of how we as parents need to guide our kids as they grow and enter the world. Nehemiah built the wall to protect the Temple. Today our temple is our bodies and as parents we are in charge of those bodies of our children. Nehemiah also knew that building a wall with no gate would only hurt the people. He established "gate rules" in order to guide the people. As parents we must do the same thing. 

Gate Rules (taken directly from Susan during the session):

1. You are the gate keeper and you report God not your child
2. A gate is opened as a privilege, not a right
3. A gate should not be opened based on age
4. A gate opened can always be closed again
5. Once opened a gate must be carefully guarded

I really loved the idea of the wall and gates. We as parents report to God and your child needs to realize that. If that means sitting down and looking at all internet searches your children do, then you do it. It may mean you have all your child's text sent to your phone. You are the parent, you are not their friend and if your child thinks they can sneak past your gate they will. 

It is really hard in our culture that teaches parents to be their friends and respect their privacy. Until they are adults, they are your responsibility and you have be strict in a day in age that the world is climbing over your walls and breaking down your gates trying to get your kids. This world is so very different then it was 20 years ago when I was a kid. We went from kids hiding diaries from their parents or notes passed in class to cell phones with kids sexting, downloading porn, and little control from parents over things that have always been harmful to children.  

iMOM.com and allprodad.com have great resources for all ages including cell phone contracts, driving contracts, pet contracts, and so much more. There are articles for parenting all ages and family relationships. 

We are the parents and we need to prepare for battle against the forces of darkness that are trying to take our children. You as a parent need to stand strong or you'll be knocked down.

21 Days to a Simple Christmas Challenge: Day 1

 

I am happy to announce I will be participating in 21 Days to a Simple Christmas Challenge over on moneysavingmom.com. I am very excited to see what Crystal has come up with in her new book to make Christmas simple and give us the opportunity to enjoy this time of year.

If you would like to participate check out Day 1 which gives directions on how you can participate too.

Today's Challenge: Write a mission statement for the Christmas season.

This Christmas season I want to make Christ the center. Instead of worry over food and gifts, I want to slow down and take time to remember that miraculous birth over 2000 years ago. Along with that, I want to take time to spend with my family, specially my husband and 3 girls.

What are we reading this month?

Here is a list of the books we are planning on reading this month. Since it is December they are all Christmas related books.

• Corduroy's Christmas Surprise 
• One Snowy Night by M. Christina Butler
• An Orange for Frankie by Patricia Polacco
• Clifford's First Christmas by Norman Bridwell
• Christmas Angel by Quinlan B.Lee
• The Christmas Donkey
• The Sweet Smell of Christmas by Patricia Scarry
• How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
• Christmas Storybook Collection from Disney

What are you reading this December?

No Longer Being the Perfect Mom

Saturday morning, at Hearts at Home, started with speaker Jill Savage. Besides being a mom to five and grandmother to three, she is an author, speaker, and founder of Hearts at Home.

I had the opportunity several months ago to read Jill's book No More Perfect Moms. It isn't a book where you will learn so many news things, but instead you'll finish reading saying "I know that, but why do I keep forgetting?" You'll want to reread and remind yourself there are no perfect moms.

In her keynote speech she asked us 4 questions:

1. What if I gave myself and others a chance to fail and make mistakes?
2. What if I actually had realistic expecations of myself and others?
3. What if I took off my mask and was honest with others?
4. What if I replaced being perfect with being perfected?

Failure is something I struggle with daily. I feel like I have to always prove to myself and others I am a good mom, that I can do it. I have always struggled with the fear of failure and because of that I always second guess myself and my ability. Giving myself a chance to fail and make mistakes, I believe, would relieve pressure I put on myself. 
Mistakes have the ability to make us better and smarter. A child learns not to touch a hot stove by touching it one day when mom isn't looking. Your child gains wisdom through their mistake. Is it failure on our part? Did we not spend enough time telling them not to touch? 

Our expectations of our child is to be the perfect child and always listen to mom. Do you know any child who listens to authority all the time? If we change the expectations our children from always being perfect to they will fail, our expectations for ourselves start to match the reality of parenthood. We do need to expect our kids to listen and obey, but also that they will fail. 
When we start looking at our life as messy, so far from perfect, and that there will be times that we fail, our perspective starts changing. We begin to see our ministry as moms. We are in the ministry of being available. Our mission is to take time to look and listen to our children, guide them in decision making, and be there for them when they make their mistakes in life. 

Other moms are struggling just like you. Unfortunately, we moms tend to pretend everything is fine. We want to brag about the good stuff and bury the negative. Instead of talking things out with peers we hide behind our masks. If one person starts taking off their mask and being real, others will start to follow and then we moms will no longer feel alone.
Why do we wear masks? Three simple reasons: control, compare, and criticize. I have really started to see how we do this in our everyday life. Everyone else seems to have it more together then us. Looking around our neighborhood it would be so easy to fall into the trap of Keeping up with the Jones's. What we see on the outside doesn't tell the whole story. Maybe our neighbors are in massive debt and facing foreclosure, but don't want to give up that nice big house and brand new cars. They could be considering divorce yet appear to be the perfect couple. Mom may seem like the perfect soccer mom, involved in everything but on antidepressants and feeling very depressed and alone. Our masks tell others only what we want them to see. If we are all wearing masks how will we ever know what our real story is?

We know we aren't perfect and never will be, so why not let God work in our lives by perfecting us. Jill shared Isaiah 64:8 "Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." I love this verse because it gives us a great image of what could be. I am not an artist and have worked with clay a few times. If I sat down to make a beautiful vase it would look like an strange lump of clay, but if I let a potter step in a mold the clay what will it look like? Our lives are the same way. When we try to control everything, it turns into a huge mess. When we step back and say, "God mold today into a mom and wife you desire me to be," no longer are you relying on yourself alone. What beautiful creation could God create if we stepped back and let Him control instead? 

That night Jill asked an additional question: What if we stopped the mommy wars? I have been fortunate to be in a place where I don't see this as much. We are all moms and struggle with similar issues. Instead of tearing each other down we need to work on building each other up. Our culture does too much tearing down moms already that moms need to step up and be supportive of each other. 

Weekly Goals

I haven't been doing very well with my goals the last few weeks but I am giving myself a huge break on that. I was sick two weeks ago and then spent all last week trying to get caught up and get my strength back.

This week my goals are pretty simple:

For me and my family:

• We want to make sure that our devotions are done everyday and we are spending time praying together
• Since it is a holiday we want to spend time enjoying our extended family

For me:

• Not worry about the holiday and making sure everything is perfect. 
• Start packing Wednesday night to take some of the pressure off packing Thursday and Friday morning.

Have a happy Thanksgiving everyone!

How To Stay Organized With All Those Kids Clothes

With three kids under the age of five, it has been a struggle to keep clothes under control. If you have young kids you know how fast they grow out of everything. This past year I have started being able to move clothes from one closet to another but with the extreme changes in weather Minnesota brings, not all clothes stay out all year long. 

If I don't stay on top of clothes this is what it looks like:

 For my older two, when they outgrow clothes or we change seasons I get out the tub for their sizes and put it right in the laundry room. As the clothes come out of the dryer or off the clothes line, they go right in the designated tub. I start doing this as the weather starts changing. After a few weeks almost all the clothes are put away.  

I have also learned that the best time to change sizes are when the seasons change. Since my oldest was two she has been sizing up as we enter summer. I have the clothes stored in their rooms and under their beds for the next change of sizes. I can do this a month or two before size changes allowing me to better see what the needs might be for the next size of clothes.

For my youngest, I do something similar. The main difference being that her clothes will be gotten rid of in the near future. 

This fall I had my first garage sale. I've explored other options but with all the clothes I have currently to sell, a garage sale was the best option (it also forces me to go through the house and grab things we don't need). 

It can be time consuming to price everything and that is why many chose not have one. Since everything up to 18 months is already priced and in tubs, most of the work is done already.

As my youngest out grows her clothes I take an evening and sort through them. Soak some that have stains, throw away some that are in horrible shape, and grab a few items that I love and want to hand down to my future nieces. Then I start pricing clothes that are left. There are usually one to two tubs per size, so it takes about 30 minutes if I'm not interrupted.

Our town does two city wide garage sales, one in May and the other in September. My goal is to have two a year. I know there will always be things to sell for the next several years. With everything priced ahead of time, it will take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to set up my sale.

The Perfect Mom?

 

 This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to attend Hearts at Home in Rochester, MN. This was my first time attending and I came away from it feeling refreshed and better prepared to be a better mom. 

The theme this year was No More Perfect Moms. What a great theme. We as moms tend to have the idea that we can be a perfect mom. Then the first child is born and reality hits. Perfection is only achieved by Jesus Christ. Moms we will never be perfect, we will always make mistakes. 

The weekend started Friday night with Moms Night Out. Meredith Andrews provided the music for the weekend. It was a wonderful experience hearing over 2,000 soprano and alto voices worshiping together. Our entertainment for the evening was Anita Renfroe. She is a Christian comedian that offers some unusual insight into women and moms along with a few pop culture parodies. If you need a laugh today check out the links below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYukEAmoMCQ&list=PLA575968E948FAF90
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hbd-2lhYMqw&list=PLA575968E948FAF90


Over the next few weeks I want to share with you what I have taken away from the Keynote speakers and the 4 sessions I attended. I hope you will enjoy and take away some of the insights I have.